He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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