Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
love makes seman taste better
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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