Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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