I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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