Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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