apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
