Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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