Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
