So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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