There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
