you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize