I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
