I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
