is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
