i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
