For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
