but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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