his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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