he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
