My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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