Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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