this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
