I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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