Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
