1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
