I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize