My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
