I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
