Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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