I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
