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i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
