Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
