got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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