Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
