remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Found your dick twin last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
