I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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