did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
