why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
