Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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