Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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