So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
