just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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