i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
