how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
