Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
