I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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