Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
