The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I AM VODKA MAN
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize