how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
