Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
