from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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