how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
