she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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