wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
