My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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