last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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