Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
