Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
