I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
