exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
