CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
