We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you would pick up someone in the library
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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