Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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