So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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