I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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