I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
