I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize