It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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