I wanna bring you to show and tell
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was confusing and full of hummus
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
