He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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